English Soccer Wagering

My father has forgotten more about betting than I will ever know; he has Alzheimers. It is bad news for the old man, but it is a good result for me at Christmas time.

He always would say, “Never overestimate the importance of recent form.” He has not said this since his condition deteriorated however; the poor man thinks he is still fighting in the war. The last coherent assertion he made was, “We must invade Poland.”

Liverpool’s recent form away from home may be abysmal, however the cream will rise to the top like a Scouse salmon. Even the dad is backing the Reds at 2.10 bet odds to defeat Wigan; if he remembers the site of the betting shop.

Jamie Carragher had declared that he would not swap Steven Gerrard for Ronaldinho, which unexpectedly, is a view shared by Barcelona. The in form Gerrard can motivate the Pool to a 2-0 win at 7.00.

Gareth Southgate is like Steve McClaren, which puts him one rung off the bottom of the English managerial ladder. A Manchester United win at 1.62 wagering odds will be about as shocking as the Sunday newspaper headline: ‘Rooney KO’s reporter, sleeps with an old dear’.

If Wayne Rooney were interested, he could call ‘the canny granny’ twice a week (at £65 a pop) for the next 44 years, and it would cost him less than 1% of the £30m contract he has just signed. Unlike the old lady involved, that isn't too shabby. The 4/1 odds offered for Rooney to score first is a genuine looker.

West Ham’s new owner made his money in biscuits, so one could argue that Frank Lampard part-financed the deal. A draw between Everton and West Ham looks a great investment at 3.25.

Alan Pardew is concerned about a gambling culture in the team. It seems that, the players enjoy the card game ‘roaster’; it is a variation of poker, played with more hands. Get your hands on the 8/1 odds for ‘no goalscorer’ in the game.

As a result of recent losses to Fulham and Bolton, Arsenal are available at a big 1.62 odds to beat Tottenham. Henry missed the Reebok shoeing with a pain in the neck; Robbie Savage let his tyres down. Tottenham will not be so lucky.

Robbie Savage is just like a box of tissues; girly, but useful. Blackburn have only lost one of their last twelve matches in which the blonde bombshell has been involved; Fulham will lose to girl-power at 1.91 odds.

In a climate where soccer players and managers ‘see no evil’, ‘hear no evil’ and ‘roast no evil’, it was uplifting to hear El Hadji Diouf admit to taking the occasional dive. He is also an expert in domestic conflict resolution; the lad is really growing on me. Diouf’s honesty will be rewarded with a victory at the Madejski at 2.88 odds.

Les Reed has also embraced the idea of truth. His quote of “Andy Reid’s body shape makes him look worse than he is,” is a nice way of saying “the fat lad done well.” Charlton can leave Bramall Lane with a point at a nicely plump 3.25 odds.

I keep hearing how Watford have been unfortunate this season; but what about me? The house caught fire last year and the wife was not even home. I will say what I told her mother when we moved in for a few weeks soon after; I have got a huge tip for you. Bet on Man City at 1.73 odds.

Andy Cole and Kanu should both be involved when Portsmouth face Aston Villa, and surprisingly, they are not being wheeled out for a pre-game presentation. Aston Villa are the bet at 3.25 odds.

I am feeling genuine remorse for criticising David James. Judging by his new haircut, it is very clear that the poor lad is living with his mother, and she is still living in the 1940s. I will have to introduce her to my father.

Weekend England Premiership Betting:

Arsenal v Tottenham		
Arsenal		1.62
Draw			3.60
Tottenham		6.50
Bet on: Arsenal
Match Special:
Thierry Henry to score direct from a free kick	7.00
Blackburn v Fulham			
Blackburn		1.91
Draw			3.25
Fulham		4.00
Bet on: Blackburn
Match Special:
Blackburn to score three or more goals	4.50
Portsmouth v Aston Villa		
Portsmouth		2.25
Draw			3.25
Aston Villa		3.25
Bet on: Aston Villa
Match Special:
Gareth Barry to score with his left foot	6.00
Reading v Bolton			
Reading		2.50
Draw			3.25
Bolton			2.88
Bet on: Bolton
Match Special:
Nicolas Anelka to score the only goal of the match	41.00
Sheff Utd v Charlton			
Sheff Utd		2.30
Draw			3.25
Charlton		3.30
Bet on: Draw
Match Special:
Match to end 1-1	6.50
Wigan v Liverpool			
Wigan			3.75
Draw			3.25
Liverpool		2.10
Bet on: Liverpool
Match Special:
Dirk Kuyt to score two or more goals 	7.00
Middlesbrough v Man Utd		
Middlesbrough	6.00
Draw			3.60
Man Utd		1.62
Bet on: Man Utd
Match Special:
Wayne Rooney to score from outside the penalty area	5.50
Everton v West Ham			
Everton		1.91
Draw			3.25
West Ham		4.33
Bet on: Draw
Match Special:
Under 2.5 goals in the match		1.62
Man City v Watford			
Man City		1.73
Draw			3.40
Watford		5.50
Bet on: Man City
Match Special:
Joey Barton to score at any time	5.00