Football Betting - Weekend EPL Preview

Here is an irreverent look at this weekend's English Premier League matches, with detailed wagering analysis.

Usually, I have almost no time for politicians; but when plans were stirring to open a massage parlour in my area, I felt obligated to write to my local MP, requesting that action be taken to keep prices at an reasonable level.

Glowing with this successful venture into the political arena, I have opted to help out Jack Straw in the repercussions of the veil wearing controversy. I have recommended that the Government introduce new legislation making it obligatory for all British women to cover up, until a up to date photograph has been rated by a small group of professionals. It just makes sense on every level.

While that solution was fairly simple, the riddle that is Manchester United v Liverpool is proving far more mystifying. After examining the stats, the value is with Man United at 1.91 bet odds.

I can predict with reasonable belief that this won't be a goalfest. The last four EPL games between the old rivals have either been goalless or settled by a single goal. In Merseyside, a 1-0 victory for Manchester Utd would be as welcome as Boris Johnson, but the clever wager is in play at 7.00.

I have given little Rooney a fair bit of criticism this season, but recent form shows he is approaching his dazzling best. Admittedly, Wayne is still not scoring goals, but there is no doubting his ability. Roonaldo is backable at a generous 28/1 odds to score the only goal of the football match.

The last time Fulham won away at Aston Villa was in March of 1973, eight and a half months before I was born. Rather worryingly, my old lady was a Villa Park regular in the 1970's, and she was never afraid of putting herself about. It is totally possible that I could be the apple of an ex Fulham footballer's eye, I am just praying it isn't Rodney Marsh. The undefeated Aston Villa will extend Fulham's miserable run in the Midlands, you should place a bet at a very nice 1.73 odds.

I have a hypothesis that Steve McClaren may be deaf. He is completely unaware of Gareth Barry's ceaseless knocking on the England door and just the prospect of the incompetent boss is enough for me to start with the sign language. Barry looks a great punt at 5.50 odds to score a goal anytime.

Chelsea have won every single Premiership football fixture against Portsmouth (a total of six) by a 2-0 or 3-0 margin. Is this a statistical abnormality or a trend that will lead to a pile of money? I am expecting the latter. You must have a bet on each correct score for a potential payout of 3.50; it isn't rocket science.

Frank Lampard has been listed for the Ballon d'or; now I am not bilingual, so I am guessing the translation means something like 'Balloon Man'. It is said that Lamps never misses training; but he would if was re-named 'the goal'. Lampard may have scored in both of last year's encounters with Portsmouth; but Didier Drogba is a far more likely contender to score the opened, priced at 4.50.

As a result of a horrific accident with Petr Cech, Stephen Hunt's name has been immortalised in Cockney rhyming slang. Since Reading have lost every competitive game they've played against the Gunners, I will be having a 'Stevie' (punt) on the Arsenal at a quote of 1.62.

I bet on Robbie Savage to score anytime last week, so you can picture my displeasure as he passed to one of his team-mates while in goal scoring range; I just wish he would have shot himself. An in-form Blackburn team host a talented Bolton side, the draw looks a sensible football wager at 3.20 odds.

Tottenham Hotspur required the touch of an Angel to grab a point last week; heavenly involvement won't be needed against West Ham. Martin Jol has at last realised that Jermain Defoe deserves a spot in his starting eleven, the tiny former Hammer can be the mechanism for a Spurs win at 1.80 odds.

Newcastle are undefeated in their last six games against Middlesbrough, but as Steve McClaren was the coach for all of those matches, that accomplishment is somewhat diminished. Boro can at long last call the Toon at the Riverside at a juicy 2.50 odds.

I am not really good in the bedroom, but I am pretty skilled at table tennis. Everton are a first class bet at 1.57 to defeat Sheffield Utd at Goodison Park. It might not be banker bet territory, but it is certainly a close neighbour.